i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
