he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A bitchslap is in order.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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