Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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