a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
