Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
