I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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