Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
