Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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