I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your penis caused this!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
