you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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