I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
