Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
