Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
