I will die if light touches me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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