ugly people sure do ruin things
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
