so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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