maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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