I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
