What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
