I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
