My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
