just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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