i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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