in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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