I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
