Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
