Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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