I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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