So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize