we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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