great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
