I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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