Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
