I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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