I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
