I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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