two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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