i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize