guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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