literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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