No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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