I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
