I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
