his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
