My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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