dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
