Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
