i need an iv and a liver transplant
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
