then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
