There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize