I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
