so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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