im drinking this country out of the recession.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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