Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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