Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize