she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
