Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
