Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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