I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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