Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
