Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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