so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
