I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
