found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize