I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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