I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize